HI-NI…. Don’t laugh. It’s a serious threat

Bear with me.  I know you’re sick of the swine flu fad.  Believe me, it’s a pandemic.  The first time I saw the “swine flu” written out as H1-N1, I didn’t get it.  Get vaccinated for hiney?  Cure disease from your anal regions?  I seriously thought it was a joke.  Unfortunately I voiced my opinions about “butt vaccinations” too loudly in the lobby of my doctor’s office.  A soccer mom reading “People” magazine overheard, and lectured me that it was a serious threat.  I got glared at from an elderly woman sitting accross from me.  Silly me for overlooking the threat of pandemic disease.

Things got more serious overtime.  They gave out free swine flu vaccinations at my school, so I got one.  I decided it was better to get one than to contract a rare disease.

The next morning I woke up feeling pretty lousy.  Unfortunately for my own mental sanity, I’ve become quite the hypochondriac.  It runs in the family.  My mom’s a hypochondriac, my grandmother’s a hypochondriac, and her mother was before that.  There’s nothing more beautiful than the genetic traits family member can bond over and share!

As a hypochondriac, I was instantly convinced I’d contracted the swine flu.  Flu vaccinations are supposed to introduce a tiny amount of the disease into your body, so small that you easily fight it without becoming infected.  This prevents future outbreaks of the disease (until the disease mutates into a maniacal monster and becomes a pandemic).

I convinced myself that my immune system was too weak to fight “Hiney”, and that I was going to die.

I didn’t die.  I never even had the swine flu.  I was just a little hungover.

Charles Shaw to the Rescue!

Advertisement